Before I start in on more specific issues regarding modesty, I wanted to give a little bit of background on why I started pursuing different standards of modesty than the ones I previously held. My journey through this issue really started early last summer. PJ asked me to listen to a segment of Albert Mohler's radio program, which discussed modesty (and perhaps the lack thereof) in Christian weddings. In the show, Mohler discussed how Christian women often abandon their standards of modesty on their wedding day by wearing strapless gowns (more on this later!). I did not take the message well and was really resistant to talking about the issue of modesty at first.
I think that this resistance came from two sources: pride and some degree of honest ignorance as to how my clothing choices affected others. Pride was by far the biggest of the two. I had considered myself to be successful in the area of modesty, but this perceived success was based off of comparing myself to others. My basic attitude was one of, "at least I'm not dressed like her...I could be wearing worse things," instead of "how can I seek to please Jesus and honor my brothers in Christ?" This wall of pride was terribly difficult to break through. I wish that I could tell you that I reacted to discussions about modesty and PJ's questions and suggestions gracefully, but that was not at all the case. I was harsh, mean, angry, and extremely frustrating to talk to. But He gives more grace...
Throughout the summer, God really challenged me to be open to reinventing my ideas about modesty. It was not fun, and I did not want to hear from Him that I needed to change an area of my life that I had previously considered to be a finished success. Eventually, through time in the Word, much prayer, and a tremendous amount of His infinite grace and love, I was able to come to a point of being willing to change.
During this time, PJ kept gently questioning me in my beliefs about modesty. In addition to God's work in me, it was some of the discussions that PJ and I had that pushed me towards change. He told me about some of the things that I wore that caused him to struggle as well as gave me insight about how guys see and think about certain clothes that girls wear. Hearing how I had hurt him and caused countless other guys to struggle broke my heart and finally convinced me of the need for certain changes.
To be honest, had I not been in a relationship with someone that I cared so much about, I probably wouldn't have been nearly as motivated to change my habits. It was my desire to not hurt someone I loved that really prompted me to change. BUT! The need for modesty goes way beyond wanting to love and honor one person. SO...girls, if you don't have the motivation of protecting and honoring a boyfriend right now, there are still two huge reasons that I can think of to seek high standards of modesty...
- Every guy notices what you're wearing (or not wearing). Yes, the cute guy notices. And yes, the junior high boys, the guys your dad's age, and the ones older than that notice too. Girls, you are beautiful and wonderfully made, and that gets noticed. You can't control who notices you, but you can control the temptation that you place upon them to think lustfully. Also, what sort of witness for Christ are you presenting to non-believing guys who are led to lust by your clothing choices? We must seek to honor our brothers in Christ, and we must not knowingly lead non-believers further into sin.
- There's a good chance that you will be married one day. How much of your beauty are your saving for your husband? I have failed tremendously in this area, and it's a huge hurt that I have to deal with as I prepare to be married in a few months. I have so many regrets when I think of how much of my body has been seen by so many guys simply because I followed the world's standards in my clothing choices. I wish that I could go back and change a number of things, but that's not possible. What I can do, and what I encourage you to do, is to talk to the guys you really trust and seek to help them avoid temptation.
Girls, just a reminder...I'm not going to advocate wearing full body armor or anything equally "modest." I like to look cute too! So stay with me, pray about this issue, be open to correction, and see if God calls you to make any changes in your wardrobe.
Hopefully, I will be able to post a little more frequently and get into the specifics of what I've learned about modesty during this year. Until then...
Grace and peace,
Katie
